This Ham is NOT Burned!

I have the sweetest husband in the world; he makes me breakfast every Friday morning. This was our conversation today, before I left for work:

Me: “I smell something burning.”

Frank: “Nothing burned, your breakfast is so perfect.”

Me: “No really, I smell something burned.”

Frank, “Nothing burned!!!”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Frankers: (a bit disgusted and more than a little wounded) “I said, nothing burned!”

Dear Readers:  …pics below

I just received a text from Frankers:  “you just couldn’t let the burned thing go could you”.

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Babe, Really???

So I stroll into the kitchen this morning to find Frankers, wearing nothing but his red BVD’s and white sweat socks, making my morning coffee.  He’s singing and dancing (picture Fred Flintstone bowling and you’ll have a pretty good mental image of what his dancing looks like).  Anyway, Frankers starts raising his arm over his head and then pulling down (like on a light cord).  Then the other arm mimics the same motions.  He continues to sing, dance on his tiptoes, and pull the imaginary cord down (over and over).

Me:  “What are you doing?”

Frankers:  “Doing the ‘milking the cow dance’.”

Me:  “Hmmm.  Tall Cow.”

Frankers:  It’s Babe the Blue Ox.”

Frankers:  (continues dancing and singing the ‘milk the cow’ song) 

Me:  Eyebrow arched.

Frankers:  Looking confused.

pause

pause

Me:  “I’m just going to let that sink in awhile.”

I wonder how long before Frankers realizes Babe the Blue Ox is a boy.

Teeter Totter Fodder

After this mini-blog, some may say I need a kinder, gentler heart…

I received a post from very wise FaceBook friend who asks probing questions, such as would you vote blindfolded (um, no); integrity or history (integrity) and finally: monkey bars or seesaw. I said ‘seesaw’

Wise person replies to me she would choose seesaw also because you could balance more than two people if you work together.

Honestly, I answered “seesaw” because I like to see skinny people take flight.

Toasted to Defection

Soooooo Frankers made me breakfast this morning; he’s just that kind of wonderful husband.  The over medium eggs were scrumptious and properly seasoned and the bacon was a crisp and savory delight.

Now let’s talk about the toast…

Frankers notices I’m not eating my toast.  I tried, honest, but when I broke a piece in half in an effort to find an edible bite in the middle, it exploded and sent charcoal bits flying across my plate.

I’m staring in consternation at the impressive array of blackened, battle weary toast fragments on my plate.  I sense Frank staring at me, I knew a ‘conversation’ regarding my sudden new lack of appetite was inevitable:

Frankers:   “Humph! There’s nothing wrong with that toast, I put gobs of butter on it.”  As if a little rain on the Hindenburg would make it float again.

Me:  “Um, what setting did you use on the toaster?”

Frankers (in a very defensive tone):  “It’s that stupid bread of yours!  It takes so  long to brown!”

I had to laugh.  One of us needed to review a color chart.  I was however VERY impressed with our little red stainless steel toaster, who knew it had a setting of ‘Phoenix rising from the ashes’.

 

Sound Logic…kinda

Frankers and I recently celebrated our 31st anniversary.  A few weeks ago I was pondering on all the pranks I’ve pulled on my hubby over the years and the sheer orneriness, clumsiness, and my audacious inclination to be irreverently outspoken.  Upon this introspection of my very flawed persona, I sincerely and with intense contemplation asked Frankers, “Why have you stayed with me all these years?  Is it out of love or fear?”

Frankers replied, “Honey, those lines blurred long ago.  I stay ’cause I gotta know what you will say or do next.”

I married well.

Sweet Baby Talk

I sent a ‘congratulations’ note to a co-worker celebrating his 11-year anniversary with the company.  Please make note, this co-worker, who shall remain Nameless (Gary DW Smith), is a bit of a whiner.   However, Nameless also makes the VERY BEST jerky IN THE WORLD!  Being the ‘kind’ of guy he is (‘kind’ is used very loosely here) Nameless constantly uses jerky as leverage.

Below is correspondence between Nameless and I:

 

From: Susan Case 
Sent: Wednesday, January 27, 2016 11:04 AM 
To: 'Undisclosed Recipients' 
Subject: RE: Congratulations!

congrats


From: Gary Smith 
Sent: Wednesday, January 27, 2016 1:40 PM 
To: Susan Case 
Subject: RE: Congratulations Gary!

Thank you I was beginning to wonder if anyone cared for me.

 

From: Susan Case 
Sent: Wednesday, January 27, 2016 2:01 PM 
To: 'Gary Smith' 
Subject: RE: tears

Is that a tear I see in your eye?  Waaaaahhh….

 

From: Gary Smith
Sent: Wednesday, January 27, 2016 4:00 PM
To: Susan Case
Subject:
tears

     Quit teasing me.

 Tiny Tear
From: Susan Case 
Sent: Wednesday, January 27, 2016 3:01 PM 
To: Gary Smith 
Subject: RE: tears

You have a very beautiful eye.  A titch feminine, but beautiful.

 

From: Gary Smith 
Sent: Wednesday, January 27, 2016 4:01 PM 
To: Susan Case 
Subject: RE: Congratulations Gary!

 

I just learned how to snip. Now I’m even more dangerous.

 

 

From: Susan Case 
Sent: Wednesday, January 27, 2016 4:02 PM 
To: 'Gary Smith' 
Subject: RE: Congratulations Gary!

Snippity, snip, snip, snip…I can create masterpieces from my snippets overlaying   snippets. (Picture of Nameless Whiner with tear eyes)

Nameless Tears

From: Gary Smith 
Sent: Wednesday, January 27, 2016 4:14 PM 
To: Susan Case 
Subject: RE: tears

It’s my SPECIAL DAY. You’re so MEAN.  Judy got me ready this morning.

 

From: Susan Case 
Sent: Wednesday, January 27, 2016 4:36 PM 
To: 'Gary Smith' 
Subject: FW: tears

Did she dress you for your “mood” and “behavior”?  If so, I’m fairly certain you’re dressed like this:

Baby Boy Whiner

 


From: Gary Smith 
Sent: Wednesday, January 27, 2016 5:00 PM 
To: Susan Case 
Subject: RE: tears

Now you’re just being cruel

 

From: Susan Case  
Sent: Wednesday, January 27, 2016 4:01 PM 
To: Gary Smith 
Subject: RE: tears

You sound… ‘surprised’ ???

 

From: Gary Smith 
Sent: Thursday, January 28, 2016 7:42 AM 
To: Susan Case 
Subject: RE: tears

Did I tell you I’m making jerky? I think Frank will LOVE it.

 

From: Susan Case 
Sent: Thursday, January 28, 2016 7:55 AM 
To: 'Gary Smith' 
Subject: RE: tears

Don’t be bitter…it’s so unattractive.

 

 

 

 

Pop Culture: Epic Fail

I’m still shaking my head as a result of this conversation with Frankers (aka, the hubby).

I shared a video with the hubby of a little girl, Olivia Kay, singing.  Apparently Adele and Pharrell are not nearly as famous as one would have thought.  Here is the conversation that transpired:

Me:   This little girl is amazing.
Frank:   I can’t understand a word she says.
Me:   Really, I understood every word, she can really sing.
Frank:   What is the song about?
Me:   It’s Rolling the Deep by Adele.
Frank: Who’s O’Dell? Is that the guy in the funny hats on The Voice.

Somehow we have survived 30 years of these conversations!   Sigh…


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